Giant Rat Dinner

This is Mallomys Giant Rat, weighing in at 1.4 kg and found in the Foja Mountains of Indonesia. Some might say that the fur should be removed before consumption, but I prefer a variety of contrasting textures.

Ratless in Alberta

Trust me to live in the only rat-free place on earth. Not that I lack rodents. The feeders stocked for the viewing pleasure of B & G sustain my tender fatlings, those that creep as those that fly. But what fun it would be to stop a greasy rat under my claws! They say that a rat can scale a brick wall and push its body through a quarter-sized hole. You can flush it down the toilet, only to find it swimming back up to bite your arse. Feed them anticoagulants: they'll belch and ask for seconds. They laugh at traps. They dance on bedsheets in the watches of the night and bite the ends of your toes.

A long luscious rat tail is naked and smooth. In my dreams, I crunch and slurp, segment by segment.