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My style designer, Signor Niccolo Piccolo il Tipo Astuto, suggested that I dispense with the sombre Halibutean backdrop and try for something more jolly.

The Halibut Relaxation Tapes

The masses have been asking, when do the mindfulness seminars begin?

The answer is, immediately. (Please enter your credit card details here, addressed to 'Halibut, Cave, Under the Sideboard'. Please send by ground, express delivery, insured.)

Now, sit very still, preferably in a sunny corner of your own cave or hut. If it is night where you are, find a moon. (Tonight, where I am, the moon is a slivery crescent above the waving branches and in and out of the running clouds.) It is also desirable to have a full belly, preferably with lots of fresh blood. All set? Good.

Now settle onto your front paws and bury your nose in your fur. Close your eyes. Feel the sunlight or moonlight on your back. Breathe in from the ends your claws, slowly down your spine, all along the vertebrae of your tail, one by one. Then breathe out in reverse: tail, back, neck, forearms, claws. Imagine there is an ant crawling from your south pole to your north pole and then back again. The ant crawls with unbearable slowness. Up and down. Down and up. Up and down.

Do this 17,000 times, and you will feel calm.

(If you would like to have my recorded voice speaking this to you, please include extra postage.)

Dreams of Thrushes, also Grey Squirrels with Ratty Tails

They were in a green square with branches of sweeping yellow. The wind tossed the tasty bits along with the leaves. Idiot dogs ran fatly, close to the ground. Round and round the black cars went. Inside was the spring, and my lunch.