This week in dead animals

Here the the days are lengthening apace. The sun has returned, brought back by the sacrifice of the chosen ones, toothsome magpies. We are still picking the sinews from between our teeth, every discovery a delightful rancid surprise.

And yet the humans live in fear, as they usually do, gibbering about an Animal Apocalypse. They feel guilty about their poisonous habits, and suspect the Big Cat in the Sky is sending down a disapproving rain of fauna on their meagrely stocked heads. "Some had no eyes." Indeed.

We know what we would do with a thousand tasty birdies falling from the sky.