I have always wanted to listen to the Oystercatchers. Do they catch oysters? Does it matter? They are the banshees of the bird world. Their windscreen-shattering skreeks will drill a hole through any amount of earwax. Not only that, but they are a delicious white-and-black. If I sink my teeth into them, the colour scheme will be perfect.
Though I have been stalking up and down, seeking whom I may devour on the verdant banks of a northern river, the score remains Halibut - NIL. Tomorrow I disguise myself as a mollusc.
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